The world as I’ve been told changes every day in my eyes, but the past experiences and fears of yours own and your ancestors are always there in a deepest nerve of your vertebrae.

Donald Weber

 I've found this photographer accidentally. This guy, from Toronto, now lives in Moscow, mainly interested into leftovers of Soviet Union.
 I thought that I could get a little bit inspired with is for my FMP. These photos from Siberia, Chernobyl, Moscow and so on are not folk, or  related much to naturra, who is the main subject I try to approach. However, the rudeness, unvarnished life and wintery feeling is so romantic. I may be born just after collapse of CCCP, but little glimpse of post-apocalyptic feeling is there, even in Lithuania, where people now a phobic of any eastern European features, blindly running towards west.

these photos seems cold and gray and it is true, at times, but life always were like this, in all world, you are in uk or in the north of russia, it doesn't matter. here people earn hundred times more than in east europe, they still poor, there people party with vodka, pickles and marinated herring on a table only, doesn't matter, fun is the same.

 

uncover our heads and reveal our souls

moon is getting closer! full moon! water in my body is going crazy. i am a capsule of energy!
i'm laying down, eating snow, my fur is hot, my tongue is cold. open atmosphere.
i leave home
at seven
under a heavy sky
i ride my bike up
i ride my bike down
march spoke, but my toes still numb.
When i grow up, i want to be a forester and run thru the moss on high heels...that's what i'll do
throwing out a boomerang, waiting for it to come back to me
when i grow up, i want to live near the sea, crab claws and bottles of rum, that's what i'll have, staring at the seashell, waiting for it to embrace me.
but now is the only time i know,
some do magic and some do harm i'm holding on holding on i'm holding on to a straw. is it dark already? how light is a light? do you laugh while screaming? is it cold outside? one thing i know for certain i'm pretty sure it ain't over i'm not done

this is references, this is how i get things done in my head

painting devices

immature

 i'm so frustrated about studio. there is no space! all students do is fighting over it, and i dont want to be in that mess. i want to work, i want to paint, but i have no wall to approach, and people around me just keep expropriating the last square inches of the table i have. i understand that foundation student doesn't mean anything to university, cause most of us will leave soon anyway, but how 100 people fit there with their work? impossible

yesterday i visited brighton, today slade, for a first time
i am absolutely inspired of both,
brighton is so cozy, and not only university, city as well. i saw painting studios few times, had a nice chat with some students. all work there seems very diverse, and all of them has a very nice spaces to work, a nice room like corner, with a table and all kinds of interesting stuff on it, i was more stunned by the details than paintings though. interviewers were nice too. and i met them later afterwards, even got an invitation to go to a pub, too bad i had to leave soon X< anyway, all in all, first, i wasn't so sure if i was going to go to interview, but later when i realised that i failed all UAL applications i had no other choice cause leaving only opportunity to get into slade would be stupid.

slade slade slade, the mighty. building is amazing, campus too. and spiral staircase everywhere, like some kind of fairytale. studios are huge, and the guy who toured us seemed like he really loves this place too. and the work, amazing! completely different level, some paintings were bigger than my house! maybe it isn't safe and warm like in brighton, but their work shows that it's a right place to study. the interview was frightening, at least for me, 3 persons in a suits met me, and one squeezed my hand so hart that i forgot to breathe, later i found out that that person was a woman. in general they were nice, asked lots of questions so i didn't have to go with a monologue. the only bad thing was, they asked about some painters i had no idea, bad bad memory of names, damn! that could be really bad. they told me the number of applications. 14000! to how much? 30 places? also they choose only 200 people to interview. i still hope it is possible for me, the only thing that could stand is my work, i'm not so sure about my speech...

anyway, if i had to choose between birghton and slade, of course it would be slade, tho the possibility is really low, if i was left out with brighton only i wouldn't be sad too, it is an amazing place to spend 3 years into, and more relaxed for my nature, however, i'm not so sure what could wait me after that. in the end if i fail both i can go back to my forest and my cat. there is no possibility for me to apply next year, cause of the upcoming fees.

sometimes i want to turn to stone, but i already made such a big way to get to the point i am now, so there's no need to be down.

later i might upload some photos of brighton spaces i took.

i had a dream of your teethmarks

aš sapnavau lapės dantų žymes ant savo kūno

foxes are the scariest creatures in this world. much more scary than spirits or polar bears or evil people.
it can drive you mad, one way or another. and they chase you until they get your soul.
here i saw plenty of them! and every time i felt frozen and about to die. but it is not so scary in the city. city belongs to humans, it is much worse when you meet her in the nature, it is her territory!

tonight i had a dream that i was walking in a forest and on my path i saw lots of animals - badgers, martens, deers, squirrels, wolves, otters. and in the end of a path i saw a fox! she was chasing a chicken, but then she saw me as well and rushed up to me! she bit my hand. i cried terrified and tried to shake her off but the fox wouldn't let go of my hand, and then black liquid started to leak out of her mouth, she was staring at me, her fierce eyes were shining like crazy and then i woke up.
i can't go to sleep anymore or fox will come to me again.

something new, something unrelated

 it is fun to jump between

a review

Une Femme Est Une Femme

  I would really like to write this review in French, since this movie managed to wake some feelings of romance, femininity and charm in me, but however, I believe this should be so much more that her big big blinking eyes in a not so big screen.

  A movie bursting with red everywhere you look. A glimpse of communism you would say? Possibly maybe, but, lets not judge a masterpiece with our outdated political views. It says that true artist is like radio that translates everything what is going on around us at the moment and so Jean-Luc Godart should not be an exception to me. Intended politically or not, lets no judge.

  All the movie is full of magic. Irrationality everywhere. Unexpected, clamorous music melting in together with same kind of actions that characters make with an Easy-going world and spirit around them, they have to live-in. Dialogs not related to each other. Particularly, when they are between man and woman.  Violently illogic sometimes, just like a femme can be, but in a most charming way as well.

  Teasing, playing, mocking every second. I thought Angela was a devil at first, but later I just gave up to her glamour. A true evil indeed. A witch! She can jump between two columns and change her clothes, hold an egg in the air for a minute or fix everything with two hits of a hammer. This comes together with all the daily life around her without any disturbance.  That is a real woman’s magic to seduce and to make you forgive again and again. You can not say no to her. Une Femme Est Une Femme illustrates this complex magic powers perfectly.

  A man no better, no worse. A wall, senseless, that at the same time has to be flexible, to dodge or to embrace this woman. And you do not know what to think about him. At the same time you can hate him for his stubbornness and lies but feel sorry when he is pushed to hard by her. What to feel? This leaves me completely confused, just like these two people never understanding each other to the end and living in a different planets, but at the same time those planets orbits with one another and would be thrown to the vast space,  without each other.

  Some might say this movie mocks cinema just like Angela mocks other men and herself. But I think too many times this was said about too many genial movies. I guess this should be called just unique alone, because watching this I felt that every shot that is there – belongs there, incontrovertibly.

 meh...